Pretty Smile - Hopelessly in LOVE

Why's your smile so cute?

Why's my body helplessly shivers at the sight?

Why have I lost my cool?

Why am I so hopelessly in love?

看不見未來, 未來掌握在自己手中

突然發覺我被考試的壓力壓得很low.. 而我發覺這壓力是我自己給自己的 then I realise why I give myself such a big pressure.. 因為I bank my future on it. 我想每個人對未來都有朣景, I guess when I failed my exam last yr 我很後悔 後悔我又浪費了一年的時間 現在的工作沒有很有挑戰性 我想要做的工作需要我考過這個試才有機會去取得 所以我好擔心我這次又過不了, then I am stuck with this job, 給自己好大的壓力 過去這一年因為考試加上種種原因我把我的生命停擺了, I put it on hold, 我把希望都放在一個人的身上(很不公平的) 結果最後當這個希望不如預期時 I got so miserable.. I can't see the future anymore.. I lost all the self-confidence which I was so proud (and sometimes too cocky) of.. So scared and so vulnerable.. at this moment nothing changed, I still cant see the future, still got to study (but at least it'll be over soon until next yr then one more level to go.....) but I just wanted to write this down for some reason. Maybe just so one day I can reflect back on, but mostly because to remind myself of the lesson I've learnt from all this.. I am not sure what that is tbh.. but I know I'll never put my life on hold anymore, I hate standing still.. I need to progress, if I am not then I feel I lose the purpose for existence.. and I know I can progress because that's what I do best :p I blame studying for giving me the enourmous pressure but at the same time I realise if I bank my future on this exam then I NEED to study and make sure I don't fail, no matter how dreadful this process is... (basically no life except work and study), I guess in the end I realise I can see the future if I actually do something about it, take matters in my own hand.. quit being a whiner, quit feeling sorry for myself quite being a baby.. and get this stupid exam over and done with! and hopefully this is the last I'll ever feel this shit.. or not.. :p

領悟

今天早上從睡夢中驚醒(要上廁所)然後發現我腦中playing this song..

領悟 - 辛曉琪

我以為我會哭
但是我沒有
我只是怔怔望著你的腳步
給你我最後的祝福
這何嘗不是一種領悟
讓我把自己看清楚
雖然那無愛的痛苦
將日日夜夜在我靈魂最深處
我以為我會報復
但是我沒有
當我看到我深愛過的男人
竟然像孩子一樣無助
這何嘗不是一種領悟
讓你把自己看清楚
被愛是奢侈的幸福
可惜你從來不在乎
啊！　一段感情就此結束
啊！　一顆心眼看要荒蕪
我們的愛若是錯誤
願你我沒有白白受苦
若曾真心真意付出
就應該滿足
啊！　多麼痛的領悟
你曾是我的全部
只是我回首來時路的每一步
都走的好孤獨
啊！　多麼痛的領悟
你曾是我的全部
只願你掙脫情的枷鎖
愛的束縛
任意追逐
別再為愛受苦

我不想輕易放棄 but why do I find myself writing the final act?

最後我只能選擇做我自己

希望你也是

揮之不去

How do you get rid of the pain that's eroding me inside?

破碎的心知道什麼才是真實的感受嗎?

I Try - Macy Gray

Games, changes and fears
When will they go from here
When will they stop
I believe that fate has brought us here
And we should be together, babe
But we're not
I play it off, but I'm dreaming of you
I'll keep my cool, but I'm feigning

I try to say goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

I may appear to be free
But I'm just a prisoner of your love
And I may seem all right and smile when you leave
But my smiles are just a front
Just a front, hey
I play it off, but I'm dreaming of you
I'll keep my cool, but I'm feigning

I try to say goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Here is my confession
May I be your possession
Boy, I need your touch
Your love kisses and such
With all my might I try
But this I can't deny
Deny

I play it off, but I'm dreaming of you (but I'm dreaming of you babe)
I'll keep my cool, but I'm feigningI try to say goodbye and I choke (yeah)
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near (when you are not near aahh)

Goodbye and I choke (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I try to walk away and I stumble (hey, hey, hey)
Though I try to hide it, it's clear (sick of love)
My world crumbles when you are not near (your love, kisses and) Goodbye and I choke (I'm choking)
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near(when you are not there, yeah, yeah yeah)
Yeah, yeah..

Always loved the song and now it's just fitting...